I have a confession to make...

I have a confession to make:  turns out, I prayed for all this.

I can hardly believe I have said it.

I could hardly believe it was true.   Who in their right mind would pray for all the upheaval and sorrow we are experiencing in this world?

I have had many moments of crushing despair and one day, in a time of about-as-low-as-you-can-go, I was weeping inconsolably for all the disruption we are going through.  And, very distinctly, I felt God say, “This is the day you prayed for.”

I tend to not be someone who argues with God. But I was absolutely sure that this was going to be one time God was mistaken.  “Absolutely not!” my heart replied.  “I would never have prayed for all the turmoil we are experiencing in this world.  Never!  This is much too painful!”

And then, patiently and persistently, God walked me through my life.

“Remember those days decades ago – when women came to you with the wrenching stories of assault and abuse in their marriages?  In a time when there was no awareness of domestic violence or community resources, you prayed for a day when there would be safe places where they could go to escape abusive husbands.  You prayed fervently for things to change.”

“Through the years, you prayed heartfelt prayers for a time when the silent, seamy underside of life in families and church and community would be revealed.  You prayed for a time when young people would be able to tell a counselor/community helper about incest, sexual assault, rape and abuse and be believed.  You prayed for a time when children could tell their stories of how they were sexually molested by priests or neighbors or Scout leaders – a time tell their stories and have adults believe them instead of being further rejected and shamed.  You prayedoften for a time when women could tell their many stories of sexual harassment and assault and rape and be believed.  You prayed for a time that women would have recourse against their hostile working environments and men who misused and disrespected them.  You prayed for a day when big names would no longer be a cover for vile actions— even (and especially) when those names were big in business, medicine, sports, entertainment, politics or church.  As you have watched this steaminess unfold, remember: you prayed for a day like this.”

“I remember, “ God said,  “the many times you prayed for the ugly side of racism to be exposed.  That, beyond the polite integration of schools, token black people in elected positions and in business, you prayed we would get to the roots of racism and the hurtful ways racism still affect us: the profiling, the violence against black and brown people, the suspicion and disrespect directed toward black and brown people;  the routine acceptance of unfairness directed toward them.  You prayed for a day when we would excavate the inequities, the deeply entrenched hostility which was still enabling the lack of equality, slammed doors, and continued violence and injustice toward black and brown people.  You prayed for a day when everyone could see how pervasive, racist attitudes still make this world an unsafe place for black and brown people.  And as you see example after example of video footage over and over providing incontrovertible evidence of racism that exists in people, sometimes even those committed to enforcing the law, remember that you prayed for this.   You prayed for a day when racist actions would be brought to justice.  You prayed for a day when white people would have to come face to face with their ingrained racist attitudes.  It is painful.  And people vehemently resist.  But remember:  this is the day you prayed for.”

“You prayed for a day when women could be strong and respected without being ridiculed.  You prayed for a day when women – by herculean effort—showed their gifts and capabilities were valued and appreciated.  You prayed for a day when female role models would be available for little girls – and little boys—to see in every segment of society.  You prayed for a day when women could succeed – and excel—and be given credit for their positive contributions.  You prayed for women to be able to navigate and transcend the rejection and the gaslighting and the deeply rooted patriarchy in the church and in the culture.  You prayed a LOT about that.”

“You prayed for a day where politicians and preachers and people of every kind could actually be caught in their lies.  You despaired about the politicians who, when confronted with their falsehoods, would just deny they had said any such thing.  ‘He-said/she said’ they would say.  You prayed about how awful it was that people could so easily dodge responsibility about what they had said. You prayed for a day when their lies and degrading talk would be apparent because it would be in their own voices so they could not deny it.  All the recorded and videoed lies are very hard to hear.   But remember, you prayed for this.”

“You prayed for a day when the church would have to speak spiritual truth in opposition to the corrupt ways of the world.  You never did make peace with church as a superficial appearance for community respect.  You prayed that the day would come when church had to focus on its unique, disciple-making function and other less-consequential activities had to take their secondary place.  There is a lot of loss in church-as-people-are-used to and a lot of nostalgia that goes along with it.  But remember,  you prayed for this day.”

“You prayed for a day when Bible abuse was exposed for what it is—where the misuse of handfuls of Scripture taken out- of -context were used to buttress prejudice and bolster somepeople to have claim authority and superiority over others.  You prayed for a day when the Scripture would be deeply and broadly studied with infinite resources, where research and different translations would be available to even novice Bible readers.  You prayed for those who misinterpreted the Bible in service of their own unexamined biases would be able to be detected for its misrepresentation of God’s heart.  I’m sure it is emotionally exhausting to hear Scripture continually and emphatically misused.  Remember, you prayed for this day.”

“Although it broke your heart, you prayed for a day where the underbelly of your evangelical faith family would be revealed for the way Christian faith was being used to win the allegiance of good – but gullible—Christians.  You prayed for people to have a chance to see when faith language was little more than a ploy for political allegiance.  You prayed for a day when the lies and slander and misrepresentations and personal attacks and smears would expose the disruptive intentions of some in the family of faith who are perverting the label of evangelical for personal and political gain. I know it is painful for you.  But don’t you remember?  You prayed for this day.”

“You had no idea how to pray for things like smart phones and GPS; computers and internet and Alexa.  But you most certainly knew how to pray for a day when anti-semitism would be exposed for the evil that it is without equivocation and flatly rejected.   You prayed for a day when homosexual persons would be free from the waves of rejection, condemnation, ridicule, belittling, taunting and exclusion that has been routinely been directed toward them.  You prayed that the church would be a light for what is right.  You prayed that your church would change to be a Christlike light  of welcome and grace for everyone.  I know there is fierce opposition to this.  And I know that is discouraging.  But remember your heartfelt prayers.”

God was (of course) right.
I did pray for this day.
I did not expect or intend for all this to be so painful.  I did not pray for so many people to feel lost and cut adrift from basic moral principles.  I did not want the disillusionment and damage that has come with the turmoil of our world.   But God is right.  I did pray for this day.  I prayed for all these things that needed to change to fulfill the prayer I say every day and lead every Sunday:  “Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”

And the floodgates have broken loose all around us – not in an orderly, manageable, one-thing-at-a-time way.  In the chaos and uprootedness and emotional waves and breathtaking change in our world, God is clearly working to answer my prayers.  And yours.  And the prayers of all faithful people who have grieved over injustices and wrongdoing present and longstanding.

The tidal waves have disconnected some people from their moral compass.  Watching the raw, cruel selfishness of human nature emerge from people whose faith I shared has been devastating.   It is hard to not be in despair over the damage to others and to the church I love.  But when God gently guided me on a tour of my prayers through the years, I now see this day more through the lens of hope than despair.

Although we still have a long way to go in every area and the resistance to change is fierce and often vicious, we are at a turning point that is undeniable and palpable.  Although it is very, very painful for people to have to face the underbelly of life in “more stable” times, that uncovering is the hope of a better future.  Now, we are facing the truth that there was always was deep pain taking place – agonies that were masked by silence.  All these waves of truth-tellingalso demands that we withstand resistance and backlash-- which often comes with a vengeance.  Now that more truth has surfaced, we have new open doors to become better than we have ever been before.  Yes, this is painful.  But God is right.  This is what I prayed for.

We are on our way to being better people. We are on our way to being a better church.  We are on our way to a better culture.  It is a hard transition and life requires that we be exceptionallystrong and mature.  God is at work moving us in the direction that reflects His great heart and unfailing mercy.